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Saturday, April 21st, 2007

Subject:vert
Time:5:34 pm.
Mood: nauseated.
so yesterday there was this oprah about "going green", and i've decided to start being wayyy more eco-friendly.
no worries - i won't turn in to a dirty hippie a la me at sixteen years old. still my conservative self, just more environmentally conscious.
so there ya go.
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Thursday, December 14th, 2006

Subject:tell it to the world, peace love and gap.
Time:4:22 pm.
Mood: giddy.
ohmygodohmygod
omg
oh emm gee
oh. my. god.

i'm watching confessions of a dangerous mind and

SAMROCKWELLILOVEYOU.
ORYOURCHARACTER. ORWHATEVER.
xcore.
i'm swooning.
why am i not surprised?

Ohhhh and btw, schoooooool's out for summa!
well, technically winter break, but thats so much less musical.

I have created a holiday (for myself, nothing wide-spread) that shall be:
((d.r.u.m.r.o.l.l.))

The Semi-Annual Lauren Ashley Post-Finals Trauma Recouperatory Day of Sloth and Lethargy

and this newfound tradition shall begin tomorrow.
i haven't figured out the agenda, but i'm thinking i'll finish off season 3 of the o.c. for sure, and watch a lotttt of t.v. (gotta clear up that tivo. heroes awaits, among others). and some reading (for fun yayyyyy).

then back to the coal mines at 4:15 am saturday - not the academic coal mines, the espresso bar coal mines.
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Time:2:35 pm.
pelicans look way too much like pterodactyls.
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Wednesday, December 13th, 2006

Time:4:06 pm.
m-azing license plate du jour:

GO2GZUS

wow.
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Subject:tylenol cold doesn't fix everything.
Time:3:39 am.
i'm sick. exhausted. and tomorrow night will be my THIRD close in a row. 8 hour shifts, don't get home til about 1:20 am.
i need to heal and rest, my god!
l a m e.
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Tuesday, November 21st, 2006

Time:2:53 am.
have i made a huge mistake?
maybe i have.
well i have about twelve days to figure it out.
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Sunday, October 22nd, 2006

Subject:*$
Time:10:55 pm.
so my first day at starbucks is tomorrow :]

i'm very excited.
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Subject:i wanna be forgotten and i don't wanna be reminded
Time:10:32 am.
"what ever happened" by the strokes...
i'm pretty much obsessed.
infatuated.


i can't wait to move out. i am fixated on this idea that when i have my own apartment it will mean i finally need no one.

the past seven months have been the same thing over and over - i grow extremely close to someone, be it as a best friend or more, only for them to completely let me down and i end up alone and resenting myself for letting someone in. this has happened how many times in this short period of months? one, two, three, two again, four.

so i finally have surrendered. screw everyone. the berlin wall is back up for good this time.
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Wednesday, October 18th, 2006

Time:11:51 pm.
Mood: anxious.
i am freaking out. feeling so anxious. don't know why.
i can't calm down.
just took one of my anxiety meds but they don't work at all.
better than nothing?
perhaps, perhaps not.
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Sunday, October 15th, 2006

Time:10:51 pm.
i'm watching "night of too many stars" on comedy central, that autism benefit, and...
it's funny. surprise surprise. i love will ferrell, paul rudd, jimmy fallon, will arnet, and steve carrell.


but, most of all, stephen colbert.
now that is one sexy man.
and ballsy, too.
remember this?



back to the night of too many stars,
i have two comments.

1. i don't give a damn about elvis costello

2. i now have a strong desire to make out with will forte.


hey there.
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Subject:she forkstabbed me
Time:8:16 pm.
Mood:betrayed.
do you really think i didn't see through what you just came in here and asked?
if you're gonna be a spy for them,
at least stab me in the front.
now,
i trust you even less.
thanks a lot.
now there is no one left for me to trust.

soon i'll be out of here anyway.
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Subject:my achilles heel
Time:4:37 pm.
Mood:momentarily sensitive.
mon chere,
you do this every damn time. you are being a dumbass.
so why am i caught off guard by your actions? or inaction.
i should have seen it coming.
i thought it would be different this time around.
but you did it again.
any day now you're gonna call and say "i've made a huge mistake."
hurry up.
because you without me is unnatural.
and you know it.
i mean, come on.
we love each other.
wake up.

love. a&f.
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Subject:we're not breaking out of a jamba juice, gentlemen.
Time:2:06 am.
Mood:monomanic.
so right now my entire existence revolves around my quest for complete independence.
i want my own apartment by december first. small it shall be. care i do not.
i am relentlessly pursueing getting two jobs so i can work enough hours to make this possible.
one down, one to go.

please dear god starbucks in los gatos, hire me. second interview monday.
because starbucks is pretty much amazing. and they pay well.

anyway, today i met this dude at the gym, i was sitting outside and he randomly came up and asked if he could join me. not in a creepy/sleazy way or anything like that. it was interesting.
reminded me of the time at the sj starbucks last week that this hot homeless guy named chester sat down at my table and started talking with me.
spontaneous human connection. single serving.

at this moment i'm in my bed on my laptop, lights off, snl in the background. i am tired but it's a fake tired, an artificial tired, that i always tend to rebel against until i can't any more. wait, now its the soup on e. wait, changed the channel to a documentary on caligula.

recent additions...

on notice:
jim (xcore)
safeway
tonja

dead to me:
north korea
miss jay
30% of kappa delta
kappa delta chapter advisory board

p.s.
stop the presses! i got a hair cut.
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Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006

Subject:female dog.
Time:12:18 am.
Mood: angry.
you know who you are:

FUCK YOU.
i miss you, but FUCK YOU. unbelievable.
i only want sympathy in the form of you crawling into bed with me.
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Monday, April 24th, 2006

Time:3:33 pm.
you wear me out.
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Friday, April 21st, 2006

Subject:breasts on bris
Time:3:50 pm.
I hung out with Diana last night. I miss her so much. Here are some pictures, not of last night, but of the past.





memories... barbara streisand style. or was it bette midler? same thing.
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Thursday, April 20th, 2006

Subject:let's get these teen hearts beating faster, faster
Time:7:55 pm.
i have moved home to my parents house, with no drivers license and a broken laptop. i'm on my sister's right now.

tonight diana and i are going to edith's party; should be fun times.

i miss jim.
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Sunday, April 2nd, 2006

Subject:it's a combination for disaster
Time:6:10 pm.
jim and i went to the grocery store today -- how productive of us :]

we got some real food; it's about time. i was drinking some snapple earlier and apparently elephants are the only mammals that can't jump. interesting stuff.

i really don't wanna go back to school tomorrow (surprise, surprise). i need to get it together or i'll flunk out. and i know i can do better than this - i'd be fine if i actually applied myself. i think of things in black-and-white terms, so it has to be straight A's, which i know i'm capable of, or squeaking by on C's and not trying at all, which is how it is right now. not very wise of me, i know.

jim totally shaved his head. hmm... sound familiar? deja vu (cough glacier cough)
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Saturday, April 1st, 2006

Time:4:44 pm.
fuck it all.
i can't do this anymore.
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Tuesday, March 28th, 2006

Subject:ancient walls of flowers tumbling down
Time:4:04 pm.
I am watching Star Trek right now... TNG, of course. I am so grateful for spring break -- no guilt for not going to class, because there IS no class. Glorious.

It is my beuatiful mother's birthday today. I'm going home later to have a nice family celebratory dinner. I just made her a card, it turned out imperfect but still neat.

I am consumed by something right now, and it is causing me to withdraw from everything and everyone. I always do this, and it's not a good thing. I need to work on this, because I don't want to shut out Jim. He deserves better than that.


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LiveJournal for loashleymiller.

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You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.